Priorities

I can tell this is going to sound whiny. I haven't been a whiner since I was in high school, I swear. But sometimes, no matter how hard I try, my voice starts to creep up in pitch, my words begin to flow like a sixteen-year-old's and the whine of my youth takes hold. Most of you probably won't blame me.

The last few months have been rough on me-for lots of reasons.

My chamber choir-what I *really* do-is at a cross roads. We are finally breaking into our community's arts scene but several other performing groups hold on to their territory-we're seen as interlopers-eventho we are a chamber choir, don't give as many concerts per year and are not the big choruses they are. Still, the word on the street is we're good and we're happy about it. Our fall concert was probably one of the best concerts I've ever conducted and my singers are a bunch of the nicest people I've ever worked with. It's stressful--but a good stress.

My husband is now past-president of the board of our local professional symphony. But since they are also in the midst of a new music director search, any extra time he gained from leaving the presidency has been lost because he's on the search committee. So far, we've had a few conductor-candidates come through with several more to come. And hubby has volunteered me to host a reception at our home after a concert for one of the conductors. It's interesting to see the *other side* of a conductor search. I don't necessarily mind but I am seen by the usual *Ladies who Lunch* for this arts organization as not doing as much as I should be. Stressful!

I am finishing a book-editing-of essays about raising a child who had autism. My husband wrote a children's book about Russell years ago and this is sort of a companion work. Chuck's book was updated last year and it seemed a perfect time to finish the darn thing. I even have three publishers interested. And last fall, after my concert cycle and before I had to conduct a "Messiah," thought I'd get a chance of doing just that. The best laid plans have a way of not turning out, don't they?

In mid-November, as I was having a coffee meeting with one of my singers about a venue, I got a call from one of my sons. He was helping me by staying with Russell that morning-- I could have my meeting before he had to go to work. He told me he had just called 911 because Russ seemed to be having a seizure and told me to get home. After Russ was transported by ambulance to the hospital, he had another seizure in the ER. After some tests and four days in the ICU, we know what happened. I won't go into the *whys* here, but will tell you things suddenly slip into perspective when something like this happens. We have to track everything he eats and how much, have to be mindful of his weight and how much liquid he drinks and how much exercise he gets. All in all, he is healthy now and doing well but……….autism sucks!

It may interest you to know, after I sent someone home for my clothes and my laptop so I could stay in the hospital with Russell, I got him to calm down and to sleep by playing YouTube selections from "Fantasia"-especially the "Pastoral." I've always used music to help Russell in stressful situations and watching him sleep with tubes coming out of him and restrained, I needed music to calm me too. I had asked them to bring my CD player and CDs and sang to myself quietly-I thought-one of the Schubert vocal quartets I am preparing for spring. I sang "Jesu Parvule"-the Alfred Burt carol-to Russell, too, almost every night we were there. One of the night nurses came in to tell me it was the prettiest thing she ever heard coming from any ICU room…….Russell's music and me singing. I know he heard me and was comforted at his most ill because when I came over to his bedside to switch the YouTube selections, he grabbed my hand and tried to kiss it.

Things are almost back to normal here in the south suburbs of Chicago. I am working on auditions for my chamber choir and have had several really good days of editing this week. Russell continues to do well and is as spunky and silly and smart as he's always been. He keeps us on our toes, our Russell!

The sniping of me not doing enough for the local symphony has continued as well-a few months ago, it would have bothered me. Not so now. I will get the wine and cheese and crackers, clean my powder room and make sure the living room is vacuumed. I will slap a smile on my face when the Ladies chastise me. I will go to the concerts, feed the music director candidates and talk of music. I will be charming but I am still a little heart-sick.

In my heart, I know what is important. The music is important. The music changes lives. The music comforts. It is so much more important than any one of us. We know it because we've seen it with the singers of JN and EOJ and EJN. Music is more important to those singers than it probably is to us. We need to be mindful of that. I know music helped save Russell this fall-I know it.

I have used music with Russell since he was a little boy, before we had even a glimmer of his disability. It is part of his life and has been an important part, too. He is non-verbal so he doesn't sing-he hums-and he is a discriminating listener. Many think music is just an *extra something* in the lives of those with challenges and not important in the grand scheme of things. I believe it is more important than any of us realise. I know music helped Russell-and me too-get through this difficult time.

My thoughts about beginning new Joyful Noise Choruses across the country.  Scatter the Joyful Noise Seeds!

I love to garden.  I love to plan in the dead of winter. I love to buy seeds and prepare the soil.  I love to go to the nursery to pick out the plants in my plan and even go a little bit by “instinct” some years.  I even love to put the plants in the soil and water them faithfully the first month or so, until they “take” and I can relax and enjoy.

Several years ago, my husband and I and our family went to a wonderful indoor zoo in Minnesota.  We all became fascinated with their butterfly garden and decided we would try to replicate it in our Chicago-area garden.  As the “official” family gardener, I began to do research as soon as we got home that August. I also learned the plants I would have to include would also attract hummingbirds as well.

We made a list of plants we would want to include, decided where in the garden to locate these plants—and chose the area right under our kitchen window so we could watch—and looked for feeders to entice the butterflies and hummingbirds.  After the lists were made and feeders bought, there was nothing to do but wait for fall and winter to pass so we could begin with our plans in the spring.

That first year was truly an experiment. In the past, I had always planted things in my garden I was familiar with, knowing what to expect and when.  With this garden, it was more of a question of following what I had read and waiting and watching.  I was pleased with the coneflowers and bee balm and yarrow and blackeyed-susans.  It surprised me to have the phlox—a plant I have been growing since I was a little girl—not do well and develop powder mold.  It delighted me to have the mini-roses—a type of rose I had not tried before—do very well.  And the daisies--THE DAISIES—took over!

Every year since that first year, I have added to or taken out plants.  My goal is not have to do a thing, once the initial weeding is done in the early spring.  And every year, it is closer to being the fact.  And the butterflies and hummingbirds are coming, more each year.  I have not had good luck with milkweed but my phlox have gradually improved.

The last two years, I have tried something new, something which goes against my planning of this garden and in doing so; I have improved it and have attracted more of those beautiful flying critters.  And it is more breathtaking than ever.  I plan to continue with this strategy.  I decided I wanted more of a wild look, more of a random feel and more of a surprise for ME.  I simply left the plants I had already planted where they were and bought wildflower seed mixes for butterflies and hummingbirds.  Last year, I scattered the seeds in a bare portion of the garden and got some interesting plants such as asters and marigolds and one VERY BIG sunflower.  This spring, I bought roll out flower mats and cut them in smaller sections and dispersed them in a very unmethodical way.  I have cosmos and lots of asters and more sunflowers than I thought could fit in that area but….I got my surprises this year and I’m very happy.  And there is a little bit of a surprise I hadn’t expected as well.  Our entrance in the front of our house is formal, with hostas and daylilies and pots of pansies and geraniums.  And one, lone Queen Anne ’s Lace alongside the hostas, looking out of place, but beautiful. My husband asks me if I want it pulled and I keep telling him I like there.  I don’t know how the Queen Anne’s got there—a seed carried on the wind?—but I like it where it is.

Most of us, in our roles as directors and conductors, plan things to within an inch of our lives. We plan in advance, whether repertoire or venues or teaching methods or singers.  You can liken it to my garden planning—I did research and then waited to put my plans into action.  I chose, in the beginning, plants I was mostly familiar with and knew how they would behave…and they were beautiful.  Trying something unfamiliar with results I wasn’t sure of proved to be the turning point for my garden. And it is just as beautiful with the addition of wildflower seeds.  I will never know how exactly it will turn out from year to year and it excites me.

I like to think of Allison and the wonderful singers of Joyful Noise as a wildflower garden and our wildflower seed keepers. They have collected the wildflower seeds and it is up to us to scatter them.  We see the beautiful, wildly beautiful Joyful Noise Garden, not the kind of choir most of us have been trained to direct, but seeing them makes us want one for our own community.  From the “seed sharing” in Chicago at ACDA, there is one new wildflower garden being tended in New Mexico and two more being planned in Illinois and Wisconsin.   Will they be exactly like Joyful Noise?  Most likely not, but they will have their own surprise sunflowers pop up and create beauty in their own place. And that is a good thing-- a Joyful Thing!